The Journey Home
Some journeys take us far from home, some adventures lead us to our destiny – C.S. Lewis
Recently a client shared her perception of me the first time we met: “You struck me as that blonde in the room that has floated through life without any problems”. The conversation began when she asked how I came to teach tantra and coach…my response was I finally found my way home and want to help women live a vibrant second act that allows them to own who they are, intrinsically; to have the romantic relationship they yearn for, where they connect mind, body and soul with their partner; to find the support of other women where they can talk about their fears, desires and aspirations in community.
She prodded further and so I shared my story:
It wasn’t long before the hunger to experience what I’d only read about got the better of me and I began the search for the holy grail of sexual experiences—fully body orgasms that left me simultaneously laughing, crying and satisfied in every way. There were a few lovers with whom I shared what I now call a tantric encounter. However all too many mediocre experiences left me disappointed and ashamed. It was paradoxical to me, I believed I had the right to my sexuality as men did, but society said otherwise.
Eventually I decided to conform to social norms, I found a nice man, had nice children, lived in a nice house and had a nice life. It wasn’t long before I was far from home with no roadmap back, I was numb and my husband was checked out. Nothing kills a relationship faster than lack of passion and intimacy, inevitably the marriage ended after 33 years.
The decision to divorce resurrected all the old fears around self-doubt and conformity. The journey home included not only embracing every facet of my self, but stepping into the light, being vulnerable and sharing the missteps, the anxiety and resentments of the life I’d led. Passions for dance, the outdoors and a healthy sex life found their way back into my life. The more I lived in my truth, the more settled and content I felt. Women began to share their stories with me and theirs weren’t that different to mine.
Tantra took me the rest of the way home. I began to study with the intent to teach, specifically women aged 40 and up who were sexually shut down. What I received was a gift that transformed my life. This ancient art of conscious loving is a timeless how-to guide on navigating relationships, processing trauma, finding your voice, being present in your life…manifesting how you choose to appear in the world. It has quickly become a raison d’etre for me…to be a step on the path for other women who are seeking the way home.